Posts Tagged ‘anger management’

About Anger Management Technique

Saturday, October 10th, 2009

Dealing with anger is seldom easy, since people are continually facing problems and reasons for conflict. However, our anger management technique is very important. We have to deal with price increases, arguments, war, violence, crime, everyday common stupidity and continuous interruptions. There is not one solitary, single person in this sometimes difficult world that has not gotten angry at some point in time.

Anger is an emotion that we all have to deal with. But anger comes in many forms: the root of anger is hatred, anxiety or frustration as a result of previous deception or disappointment, comes from bad anger management technique. This is true. However, true or not, even in the Bible it says that when the first man and woman were created on Earth, the first incident was when the Devil|Satan|, in the form of a snake, lied, deceiving Eve. Once that lie became known, the world began suffering many problems, including violence, murder, war, shortages, disease, weather disasters etc.

Since that first lie, the world has become more chaotic and continues to worsen as the years roll by. We can examine how a lie can instigate anger by looking at one individual scenario. That person engaged in criminal activities, like stealing, writing bad checks, and selling prescription medications. Now that person had to embroider lying into the picture, since she felt that her behaviour and actions were only a means of survival.

So, she started lying to cover up her crimes. As the years went by, she became angry and could not cope, solely as a result of the way she was behaving, her way of thinking, the way she was conducting her life and her poor anger management technique. She began to react like anyone else suffering from uncontrolled anger would behave.

This included, undermining others, insulting others, verbally and physically assaulting, threatening, belittling, mocking, et cetera. The woman was diagnosed with mental illness, including Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Bipolar. She also had health issues, including diabetes. Now, if we examine all the aspects of that person’s anger and anger management technique, we can see, if we search deep enough, that her lying, which caused paranoia, was the basic reason for her behavioral problems.

A lot of people have a problem with their anger management technique. Many of the people with post-traumatic stress disorder behave angrily because they are reacting to a flashback in memory. That is right! People with post traumatic stress disorder often suppress their emotions and when they are violent or angered, it is often the result of fighting the sources that caused their trauma and not the person in their presence.

However, we do not see this as the reason for the woman’s anger, since she did not show signs of it to the public. Therefore, people would exclude posttraumatic stress disorder as the cause, or at least skip over the possibility of it. Now let’s take a look at diabetes, since this illness affects the nerves. The shortage of insulin creates additional problems, and many people with diabetes will become upset for little or no reason at all.

However, most of us do not act angrily, assault, insult or attack others. We should also look at why crimes are committed and then we would see that it is usually a serious behavioral problem that has come from lying. Therefore, when we look at this individual we have to deal with the underlying problems to stop her from lying and get her to move forward, avoiding episodes of frustration, anxiety and anger by using anger management technique.

Now, the person is in denial, which means that until the legal system makes her take steps in anger management technique, then she probably will not get help herself. In addition, even if the criminal justice system does force her to get help, it probably will not work, since her denial has existed for probably many years. Now we are dealing with a real anger problem, since her behaviour is life long, which means extensive therapy is needed.

Anger is a normal emotion, but when it interferes with another person’s life, it becomes a serious problem. This person is not hurting only one person, she is injuring everyone, because when she steals or writes bad cheques, society picks up the tab with tax increases, as well as other levies. One of the worst problems that I have noticed with this type of person, is that the system and society allows it to continue; only attempting to deal with it when the person is in custody. Once the person is released, then it starts again. This is a chain of events involving lack of control due to anger mis-management and bad anger management technique.

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What Anger Management Help is there?

Friday, September 4th, 2009

There is plenty of relevant anger management help. First and foremost it is imperative to understand anger and the consequences of anger. Anger management help will not work without knowing what it is an individual is attempting to change or manage. Anger is totally normal. It is a reaction to confrontational situations.

It is all right to get angry, but when this anger becomes intense frequently, it can cause severe problems: that is problems within the family, within other relationships, at school or work and it can also cause health problems. People who cannot manage their anger in a less threatening way are likely to transpose their anger onto other situations such as child and spousal abuse, violent crimes and other types of criminal, anti-social activity. Anger management help is something an individual should consider when people admit to themselves that they have a problem.

There are all types of anger-provoking situations, but there is also a lot of anger management help that can be used when working through anger-related issues. Some people become really mad and even angry when they are frustrated by a situation. This can happen when something doesn’t work out the way they planned or they failed to succeed after giving the task their all. Circumstances like these may result in a person becoming frustrated. This frustration may lead to anger which can then devolve into a whole catalogue of anti-social consequences.

Irritation, anxiety and frustration often invoke anger or even rage. Normal, every day occurrences such as constant reminders or regular interruptions or delays can cause a person to become irritated. This irritation continues to grow and the result can be an unexpected fit of rage or fury. Depending on the individual, this rage can cause a person to resort to different ways of releasing their anger, some of which may be painful to themselves and / or others around them.

When somebody is being verbally abused or perhaps even sexually harassed, it is easy to see that anger can be the result. People deal with these disturbing experiences differently but for those who become angry because of the abuse, the outcome could be very serious and even violent. Anger management help in such a situation is imperative, especially in a situation where a person feels threatened.

If someone is handled unfairly, it often provokes feelings of anger. Often when people are blamed for something, whether rightly or not, it can cause them to feel angry and act out of control. There is so much information out there that can be vital to understanding anger management. The more information a person can gather, the better equipped they will be if they are faced with circumstances involving an angry individual or if they require anger management help themselves.

Anger management help is available through many sources such as books, pamphlets, doctors’ surgeries, films and the Internet. For a person who needs anger management help, the Internet is an excellent source of information. Many websites are dedicated to providing anger management help and the Internet is very well placed for supplying the information required about anger, the consequences of anger, why people are affected by anger and anger management help.

If you don’t get the appropriate anger management help, it would be hard to begin a course of treatment that would be helpful. It doesn’t matter where the anger management help comes from. It does matter however, what an individual does with the assistance after they have got it. Reading and absorbing the information is essential but deciding what to do with this anger management help will make all the difference, whether you can clear up your anger-related issues or not.

If you are looking for anger management help then please go to our web-based resource at http://anger-management.the-real-way.com

Anger Management for Kids

Thursday, August 13th, 2009

Anger, a perfectly normal emotion, can change into something frightening and ugly. The first thought you might have of anger issues may bring about images of a couple fighting, a parent abusing a child, a teenager lashing out at a teacher or a parent. Rarely will images of angry children come to mind. Unfortunately youths, at very young ages, have to deal with feelings of anger and rage. This is a truth which is often difficult for adults to understand or deal with.

Children, young children especially, aren’t normally aware of how they feel. When a child becomes upset or mad they simply display these emotions through their behaviour. A good instance of this might be a little boy in a supermarket who throws a tantrum because he’s upset. Many parents have had to deal with similar situations. It is sad that often these occurrences are overlooked or dismissed because they are “just children”. Anger management in kids is just as important, or perhaps even more important than anger management in grown-ups.

A child needs teaching and guidance from their coming into the world to their entry into adulthood. The things they learn throughout their young lives are likely to form the person they become as an adult. For this reason, anger management in children with difficulties controlling their foul temper is crucial|extremely important. So, finding ways of teaching anger management for kids usually presents challenges.

There are various programs designed specifically for children with frustration, anxiety and anger management problems. Discovering one that works for a particular child might require testing many methods. Not all children will react to the same treatment for anger management for kids. Because a child cannot always relate their feelings surrounding angry outburst, finding the right way of tackling it could take some time. Until the issue is resolved or at least controlled, it is important to continue looking.

Young children may respond well to worksheets, games and fun activities. All of these can be used effectively to teach anger management for kids. Developing programs which incorporate each of these methods might be the best route to take. A child completing a worksheet, colouring sheet or participating in games and activities with underlying messages regarding anger management for kids, may not even realize they are working on their anger-related problems.

Making the activity fun doesn’t mean that the anger issue has to be omitted. Choosing fun activities which teach healthy interaction and decision making might be good for anger management for kids. Teaching them to take turns and helping them to learn that they can’t always be the best or the winner would definitely make a difference when confrontational situations occur. Little activities which instill values and positive thinking would be beneficial for anger management in children.

If a child is old enough to talk about their anger problem, encouraging them to share their feelings is important. Suggesting they talk to someone who they feel comfortable with and trust is a good idea regarding anger management in children. Asking them to write or make a drawing about their emotions may help them reveal their underlying problems, whether it be anxiety, pain or sadness.

If you can teach them to ask for help when they feel threatened or angry, it would definitely help the child with an anger-related problem. The important point to realize when considering anger management for kids is that they are just “kids”. Their minds are not equipped to handle adult situations and so they will require a much more careful approach.

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Manic Depression

Friday, July 24th, 2009

Manic Depression or Bipolar Disorder is considered one of the worst types of depression that people usually suffer from. Characterized by sudden and extreme changes in mood. Manic depression is named that because manic refers to ‘mania’, which refers to the ‘ups’ while depression refers to the ‘downs’. Bi-polar also refers to both ends of the spectrum of emotions

A lot of people experience erratic changes in their moods and, sometimes, these so-called mood swings are not just caused by PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome) or stress. Doctors have diagnosed mood swings as a common symptom of depression, when these mood swings become severe. For instance, if someone gets annoyed because a shop does not have his favourite biscuits, it may only a sign of a spoilt childhood, but when getting annoyed means that person will shout and swear at the shop keeper, it may represent the onset of Manic Depression.

The ‘manic’ times or ‘ups’ in Manic Depression are described as the times when a person suffering from Manic Depression experiences excessively high periods, consisting of heightened energy, sudden outbursts of euphoric mood, extreme irritability, together with racing thoughts and aggressive behaviour. According to therapists, someone suffering from Manic Depression may have these so-called manic ‘periods’ not just for a day or so, they can actually go on for as long as a week or even longer than that.

During these ‘low’ or ‘down’ periods, people suffering from Manic Depression may experience very similar symptoms to those who are suffering from ‘normal’ depression. People who are suffering from Manic Depression experience periods of a depressed frame of mind - including feelings of lack of self worth and being unloved.

There are various other symptoms as well: irrational guilt, severe sadness, anxiety attacks, feeling of not belonging, extreme pessimism and an obvious loss of pleasure. According to therapists, an individual who is depressed constantly for more than a week can officially be diagnosed as someone who is suffering from Manic Depression.

In spite of it being one of the most common and severe sorts of depressive disorder, Manic Depression can actually be treated, according to doctors. There’s no reason to worry too much about having it, just follow the procedures that the therapist gives you and take the prescribed medication in the proper dosage in order to help you (or your friend or love one) overcome Manic Depression before it becomes too late.

Also, people who suffer from Manic Depression should see their therapists regularly, in order to be able to release their repressed emotions to someone who is able interpret just what it is they are going through a lot better than an ordinary, untrained person.

Although positive results for Manic Depression can be obtained from natural remedies, a proper and a more lasting relief from Manic Depressive symptoms can best be acquired through consultation with a cognitive behaviour therapist. Contrary to some thought, when it comes to psychiatric treatments, psychiatrists, preferably cognitive behaviour therapists are still the best ones to consult for a permanent cure for Manic Depression.

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Anger Management Movies

Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

Because anger management is a such a big problem in society today, there have been many programs developed, books written, Internet websites created and anger management movies filmed. Even though all of this help is in place and available for anyone, not all people with anger issues can benefit from the same type of resource. Some people get help attending an anger mangement program - it may be effective and cause major changes in their characteristics.

Being able to steal away alone with a book may be helpful to a person with anger issues. Seeing their problems in print and being able to sort through them in their mind might be a great anger management resource. The Internet is a great resource regarding anger mangement and some may find it helpful to view the different sites and read stories about individuals with anger mangement issues. However for many people who have difficulties controlling their anger, watching an anger management movie might be what it takes to break them out of their pattern of angry, emotional outbursts.

Watching an anger management movie would give the individual the chance to see, with their own eyes and hear with their own ears, just what anger does to a person and those around them. An anger management movie would likely provide illustrations and situations where individuals act on their anger. The film may apply exactly to an individual’s current circumstance. It may strike home - so to speak. Watching the actors play out their life stories and their behaviour may be an eye-opener. It may take watching a husband beating a child or wife, a mother screaming at her child, a child bullying another child, to realize that anger is a significant problem to them.

When an angry person is in that situation- ie really angry, he is likely to blame it on whoever is around him. But being an actor in his own picture, he is incapable of watching his own performance. However, if they given the opportunity of seeing it on the silver screen, he might be surprised and even devastated by his actions. Watching an anger manageent film would probably be like watching yourself in a similar situation. This may be the method that works best for some individuals.

An anger management movie will not only give illustrations of the actual situations involving anger. The movie will likely provide information regarding anger management techniques. Using these techniques and the characters in the movie, it is likely that there would be scenes of people being introduced to anger management techniques and programmes.

The film would explain the steps to dealing with anger and frustration issues. This type of anger mangement movie might be the answer to a lot of people’s afflictions. It would seem a good idea if the anger mangement movie showed the person, in the same situation as the sufferer, change from the first scene in the film to the last scene. Showing how the individual was able to receive help through anger management and turn his life around, could just be the incentive he needed.

There is no doubt that, there are all sorts of anger management movie available in the shops. The Internet is also a fantastic source of information regarding anger management and anger management resources such as books and anger mangagement movies. If you think you or someone you know would benefit from watching an anger management movie, it would be a wise idea to get your hands on one.

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Anger Management Resources - Movies

Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

Because anger management is a such a big problem in society today, there have been many programs developed, books written, Internet websites created and anger management movies filmed. Even though all of this help is available and accessible to anyone, not all people with anger issues can benefit from the same type of resource. Some people get help attending an anger mangement program - it may be effective and cause major changes in their characteristics.

Being able to steal away alone with a book can be helpful to some people with anger management issues. Seeing their problems in print and being able to sift through them in their mind might be one of the best anger management resources. The Internet is a great resource regarding anger mangement and some may find it helpful to view the different websites and read stories about individuals with anger mangement issues. However, for many people who have difficulties controlling their anger, watching an anger management film might be what it takes to break them out of their pattern of angry, emotional outbursts.

Watching an anger management film would give the person the opportunity to see, with their very own eyes and hear with their very own ears, just what anger does to a person and those around them. An anger management video should give examples and situations where individuals act on their anger. The film may apply exactly to an individual’s current situation. It may hit home - so to speak. Watching the actors play out their life stories and their behaviour may be an eye-opener. It may take watching a husband beating a child or wife, a mother attacking her kid, a child hitting another child, to understand that anger is a significant problem to them.

When an angry person is in that situation- ie really angry, he is likely to blame it on whoever is around him. But being an actor in his own film, he is incapable of watching his own performance. However, if they given the chance to see it on the silver screen, he might be surprised and even devastated by what he has done. Watching an anger manageent film would probably be like watching yourself in a similar situation. This may be the method that works best for some individuals.

An anger management film will not only give illustrations of actual scenes involving anger. The film will probably give information regarding anger management methods. Using these methods and the characters in the film, it is likely that there would be scenes of people being introduced to anger management techniques and programs.

The movie would explain the steps to dealing with anger and frustration issues. This type of anger mangement movie might be the answer to many people’s problems. It would be a good idea if the anger mangement movie showed the person, in the same situation as the sufferer, change from the first scene to the last scene. Showing how the individual was able to receive help through anger management and turn their lives around, may just be the incentive needed.

No doubt, there are all sorts of anger management movie available. The Internet is a great source of information regarding anger management and anger management resources such as books and anger mangagement movies. If you think you or someone you know would benefit from watching an anger management movie, it would be a wise idea to get your hands on one.

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What About Anger Management Classes?

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

Many people with anger management issues try their best to ignore them. By neglecting to talk about their anger or sweeping it under the rug so-to-speak, these individuals assume that their problem will disappear. Many families go about their daily lives with a person who has anger management problems.

Fathers, mothers and even children can disrupt the whole household because of fits of uncontrollable anger. Some people think that keeping it quiet is the key to deal with it. But, denying the problem and refusing to deal with the anger issue does not solve anything. In fact, ignoring an anger problem for too long, can eventually lead to unnecessary violence and even death.

It is definitely a better strategy to accept that there is a problem and set out to find the solution. Finding the right course of treatment will depend on the individual or family involved. Some may choose a one on one counseling session with a counselor or psychiatrist, others may feel comfortable in a small support group. What about anger management classes? This might be an option that a person with serious anger management behavioural problems may think about.

Anger management lessons, run by a professional in the field of anger management, give an opportunity for people to learn anger management techniques and strategies for controlling their anger. Learning how to deal with their anger through lessons such as letting go of unwanted or harmful feelings and emotions is one goal of anger management classes.

Explaining relaxation exercises such as deep breathing, meditation and perhaps some other yoga techniques would likely be on the anger management lesson plan. Helping people to find positive and constructive methods to work through their problems with anger is the main objective of anger management classes.

Some individuals, especially those who have just been introduced to anger management techniques, may feel intimidated by the thought of anger management lessons, but it is imperative to help these people see that anger management lessons are not supposed to be threatening or even demeaning. On the contrary they are supposed to be the very opposite.

Anger management classes ought to be relaxing and informal without any feelings of embarrassment or intimidation. Anger management lessons are intended to help people work through their anger behavioural issues, which may be difficult, which is why they offer support and encouragement.

Where would an interested person enroll for anger management lessons apply? The first port of call for those who are seeking to sign up for anger management lessons, might be a government supported social program in the area. Social workers ought to be able to give you with information about any anger management lessons being held in your locality.

If this doesn’t work, the Internet is always a useful resource for details about anger management including anger management lessons. Searches via Google or Yahoo, or any search engine really, will provide plenty of information to an individual requiring details about anger management classes. By offering contact information, dates, times and locations for various anger management lessons, the Internet proves itself to be an exceptional resource.

The Internet also gives interested persons other options, including online anger management classes, which means you have the opportunity to study at home. There is absolutely no need for anybody to struggle with feelings of uncontrollable anger. Nowadays, there is plenty of help available, a person simply needs to ask for anger management classes.

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About Anger Management Articles

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

Anger is an issue which seems to be showing concern among many people nowadays. Perhaps that is because it is an issue which affects all generations, races, communities. In fact, anger has the potential to touch anybody without prejudice.

It is of great concern to those who have to experience anger every day. Anger not only involves the person affected but also all those they come into contact with daily. Because it is such a very important social issue in society today, people are continuously striving to develop programs to help those affected by anger-related issues.

Reading anger management articles can be beneficial to those affected by anger. There are different types of anger management articles, different in that they target specific groups such as teenagers, adults, men, women, couples, families and other social groups affected by anger.

These articles are meant to be informational; empowering individuals with useful knowledge regarding the problems of dealing with anger, anxiety, frustration and aggression. With guest writers and specialists in the area of anger management, these articles are packed full with interesting details and effective tools that people can take home and use to transform their feelings of anger into healthy, normal feelings.

Reading an anger management article can provide a person with an opportunity to acquire new knowledge on anger management, which may in turn provide some relief; a chance for people struggling with daily feelings of anger, rage and frustration to find hope and encouragement. This would not only allow a victim or his friends/family to find some hope, but it would also provide them a chance to understand that others also face similar challenges. Sharing personal experiences may help people to own up to their problem and perhaps discover underlying reasons for their anger and frustration.

A great part of helping an individual work through anger-related issues is support. Assuring the person that they have people to count on, people who will stand by them no matter what may happen, this is extremely relevant to people who are fighting daily to overcome problems with anger. Encouragement is also important. Encouraging the individual to attend support group meetings, talk to a counsellor or read an anger management article may make a huge difference in their treatment.

Yes, society appears to have a huge problem with violence, aggression, frustration and anger but, society is also attempting to create anger management programs to help decrease this sociological problem. Providing anger management certified people to work in public places such as schools, corrections, mental health centres, society is proving they are concerned. Aside from visiting counselors, doctors and treatment facilities, people can also attend anger management courses and read anger management articles and books.

These opportunities are available to people who are serious about making positive changes in their lives, it certainly would be in their best interest to accept the opportunity. Consulting anger management articles might be the turning point for an individual. If the article has a positive effect in getting to only one person and making positive changes in their life and the lives of those around them, it was certainly worth writing.

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Thinking About Anger Management

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

It is worth reviewing anger and aggression in order to have a better understanding of one’s emotions and strive toward anger management. Often when someone feels frustrated they are subject to get really angry when their emotions are aroused. However, frustration does not arise in a short time; in stead, frustration occurs when underlying issues come to the fore. So, frustration is a deep, unrelieved sense or state of lack of confidence and dissatisfaction arising from unsettled grievances or unsatisfied desires.

So, anger is the emotion a person experiences when he or she does not get their way, or when a series of issues, which were below the surface waiting for the time to spring forth, rise to the surface. Aggression is a forceful act or modus operandi utilized to dominate another individual. Aggression is an argumentative, harmful or destructive way of behaving particularly when caused by frustration. Aggression can be a good thing if your life is threatened, but in most instances aggression is a destructive force.

Assertiveness on the other hand, is a very effective method of showing your feelings to someone else without causing injury, havoc or argument. Assertiveness is a strong, bold confident quality, which we have within us to help us to defend our rights when others are trying to do us wrong. If you learn the difference between aggression and assertiveness you will learn a good behavioural pattern, while taking control of your life and avoiding further problems.

Furthermore, if you are feeling frustrated, you might want to sit down and rethink your situation, opinions, theories, reasoning etc. By reviewing the sources that get you angry, you can reduce the tension when you see anger brewing; then you will realize that it is not worth getting angry about, as the reason for your frustrations are out of your control. For example, when you are evaluating yourself, you might see another point of view and conclude that your frustration is pointless.

Assertive action against an individual who has done you wrong, can be much more effective than getting angry. We can see from an example, how a person loses his or her temper and what the consequences are he or she must face because of this reaction.

For example, two people are engaged in an argument and a fight breaks out. One of the individuals was accused of spreading lies about the other. The violent episode attracts the neighbours and the police are called. When the police arrive, both parties are placed in handcuffs and both are taken to jail. Their problems increase since they both may pay fines, court costs and, possibly, probation fees. Therefore, one problem led to a series of problems and it does not stop there. When the pair is free of all fines, costs, jail and so forth they will have a police record whereby everyone will judge them for the rest of their lives, viewing them as immature, violent people.

Now let’s take a look at another example were assertiveness was used in the scenario. A couple of friends are talking to each other after one person has spread rumours around the neighborhood about the other person. The victim of the rumours walks up to his friend and inquires, “Why are you telling people I have a drinking problem?” The other person says, ‘I did not tell anyone you have a drinking problem”. “I don’t believe you, sorry!”, says the first person, “You told my best friend and he’s not a liar”. “Well, I thought you had a drinking problem because you are drinking every time I came to your house”.

‘Because I drink every time you come to my house does not mean I have a problem. I refuse to allow you to continue dragging my name through the mud and nor will I allow you to visit my home again, if you continue lying about me. Friends do not harm other friends. If you have issues with me confront me with them instead of going behind my back’. What a very good job! This person did a wonderful job asserting himself and the results will most likely prove fruitful. Let us see what happens. ‘I am sorry; I did not mean to offend you. I will talk to you next time I have a problem with you. However, I am concerned that your drinking may be a problem, since you do drink every time I visit your home’. ‘Well, OK then let us go to my place and discuss the issue’.

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Talking About Anger Management

Monday, June 15th, 2009

It is worth reviewing anger and aggression to have a better understanding of our emotions and work toward anger management. Often when someone feels frustrated they are liable to get really angry if their emotions are heightened. Frustration does not arise over night; rather frustration occurs when underlying issues come into focus. So, frustration is a very deep, unsatisfied sense or state of lack of confidence and displeasure arising from unsettled grievances or unfulfilled desires.

So, anger is the emotion a person gets when he or she does not get their way, or when a series of issues, which had lain below the surface waiting for the time to spring forth, rise to the surface. Aggression is a forceful act or modus operandi utilized to dominate another individual. Aggression is an argumentative, harmful or destructive mode of behaviour particularly when caused by frustration. Aggression can be a good thing if your life is threatened, but in most cases aggression is a destructive force.

Assertiveness on the other hand is an effective form of showing your feelings to someone else individual without causing injury, destruction or antipathy. Assertiveness is a strong, bold,confident quality we have within us in order to help us to defend our rights when others want to do us wrong. If we learn the difference between aggression and assertiveness we can learn a good behavioural pattern, while taking control of our life and avoiding future problems.

If you are feeling frustrated, you might want to sit down and review your beliefs, opinions, theories, reasoning etc. By reviewing the things that make you angry, you can reduce the tension when you see anger brewing; you will then realize that it is not worth getting angry, since the causes of your frustrations are out of your control. For example, when you are evaluating yourself, you might see another point of view and conclude that your frustration is out of order.

Assertive action against an individual who has wronged you, can be far more effective than blowing a gasket. We can see from an example, how a person loses his or her temper and what consequences he or she must face because of it.

For example, two people are engaged in an argument and a fight breaks out. One of the individuals was accused of spreading lies about the other one. The ensuing violent episode attracts the neighbours who call the police. When the police arrive, both friends are put in handcuffs and both are lead off to gaol. Their problems have increased as they both may have to pay fines, court costs and, possibly, probation fees. So, one problem has led to a series of other problems but it does not stop there. When the pair has paid off all of their fines, costs and so forth, they will have a police record whereby everyone will judge them for the rest of their lives, seeing them as immature, violent people.

Now let us take a look at another example were assertiveness was used in the scenario. A couple of people confront each other after one person has spread lies throughout the neighborhood about the other person. The victim of the rumours walks up to his friend and asks, “Why are you telling people I have a drinking problem?” The other person says, ‘I did not tell anyone you have a drinking problem”. “I don’t believe you, sorry!”, says the first person, “You told my best friend and he is not a liar”. “Well, I thought you had a drinking problem because you are drinking every time I came to your house”.

‘Just because I have a drink every time you come to my home doesn’t mean that I have a drinking problem. I refuse to allow you to continue dragging my name through the mud and nor will I allow you to visit my house again, if you continue telling lies about me. Friends don’t hurt their friends. So, if you have any more concerns about me, why not just talk to me about them instead of going behind my back’. What a very good job! This person did a great job asserting himself and the results will surely prove successful. Let’s see what happens next. ‘I’m really sorry; I didn’t mean to offend you. I will speak to you next time I am concerned about you. However, I am still worried that your drinking may be a problem, since you do drink every time I visit your home’. ‘Well, OK then let’s go to my place and discuss it’.

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